Clerks The Cartoon-- "Lottery Ticket"
by Silent Bob
Summary: It's based on the Clerks Animated Series that was cancelled. I consider it my best work yet. Review it pleeeeeeaaaaaaaasssseeeee.


This is based on the Clerks cartoon series that was cancelled.  
So I'm also trying to tone down the swearing in this one, but its still  
a good fic. Incase you don't remember, since they only showed two   
episodes, at the start of every episode someone calls Dante, usually   
his boss telling him to come into work, and then they show the theme   
song. Okay, well here it is.  
  
  
  
(Scene- Exterior Dante Hick's house. Interior, Dante's room.  
A pile of dirty clothes, with a phone next to them. The phone starts   
ringing, and after one ring a hand sticks out of the pile and reaches   
for the phone, trying to grab it, until he finally gets it and presses  
'talk.')  
  
DANTE: (groggily, from under the clothes.) Hello?  
  
(Cut to split screen, Randal Graves on the other side.)  
  
RANDAL: Whhhhhhhaaaaaaasssssssuuuuuuuuppppppp???????!!!!!!!  
  
DANTE: (hangs up the phone.)  
  
(Theme song.)  
  
(Scene- Exterior Quick Stop. Interior Quick Stop, Dante is   
behind the counter and Randal is sitting on it, looking at a magazine  
Lennon's Grave [Dante's black cat] is in his litter box behind them.)  
  
RANDAL: Hey Dante, hand me a lottery ticket.  
  
DANTE: What?!  
  
RANDAL: Hey Dante, hand me a--  
  
DANTE: I heard you! I can't just *give* you a lottery ticket!  
  
RANDAL: Aw, come one, yeah you can. You give me food.  
  
DANTE: No, you *take* food! Besides, if I just *gave* you lottery  
tickets you could take them until you picked the winning number!  
  
RANDAL: Oh, come on, just give me one. Today's my birthday.  
  
DANTE: Your birthday's not for another five months!  
  
(The door opens and Jay & Silent Bob walk in.)  
  
JAY: Hey, whasup, cock smokers?  
  
DANTE: Hey, Jay.  
  
JAY: Me an Silent Bob here are renting some movies tonight, and we're   
just pickin up some food.  
  
DANTE: Whatever.  
  
(Jay & SB walk back into the aisles.)  
  
RANDAL: Come on, Dante, don't be such a Jeebeeteearrer.  
  
DANTE: What?!  
  
RANDAL: Huh?  
  
DANTE: (grabs a ticket and throws it to him) Here, just take it!  
  
RANDAL: Oh yeah. (srites down the numbers on it.)  
  
(Jay & SB walk up with a bunch of bags of chips and stuff.)  
  
DANTE: Randal, can you get them, I'm gonna empty Lenon's-Tomb's litter  
box.  
  
(Dante cleans the litter box in the background as Randal puts  
their stuff in bags and puts the money in the cash register.)  
  
DANTE: Thanks.  
  
RANDAL: Alright, turn the monitor on so we can see what the winning   
numbers are.  
  
DANTE: They're not on for another two hours!  
  
RANDAL: Come on, we got nothing else to do.  
  
DANTE: Fine! (presses some buttons on the monitor.) You know we're  
supposed to use this for the security cameras, Randal.  
  
RANDAL: Hey, you should be thankful I hooked up that illegal cable for  
you.  
  
DANTE: Randal we don't even get cable! This is just illegal 3 channel  
viewing!  
  
RANDAL: Shh! We might miss the numbers!  
  
DANTE: We have two more hours!  
  
(Screen says "TWO HOURS LATER")  
  
(Dante and Randal are in the same exact position.)  
  
DANTE: Can I talk yet?  
  
RANDAL: Shh!  
  
VOICE ON TV: And the winning numbers are: 0,5,2,7,8,5!  
  
RANDAL: Those are my numbers!  
  
DANTE: Yeah right.  
  
RANDAL: No, really, those are my numbers! See! (reaches into his left   
pocket. Doesn't find it. A puzzled look comes on his face. Reaches  
deeper, but doesn't find it.)  
  
DANTE: Don't tell me you lost it.  
  
RANDAL: No, no- (still fumbling in his pocket) One..... minute........  
(pulls his hand out, empty.) Nooooooooo! I lost it! Alright! Alright!  
Calm down! Lets just retrace our steps!  
  
DANTE: You didn't leave the counter!  
  
RANDAL: Oooh!  
  
DANTE: What? Do you know where it is?!  
  
RANDAL: Oooh- no! I must've put it in Jay & Silent Bob's bag with all  
their food!  
  
DANTE: You are-- oh my God! You-- how could you-- you--  
  
RANDAL: Wait a minute, man! Calm down. We can get it back.  
  
DANTE: Wha?  
  
RANDAL: I know where Jay & Silent Bob's apartment is! We can go there  
and get the lotto ticket back.  
  
DANTE: I don't think Jay would just *give* us back a winning lotto   
ticket.  
  
RANDAL: They're not home.  
  
DANTE: How do you know?  
  
RANDAL: They said they're renting movies tonight. They obviously didn't  
go to the RST, cause it's locked up. And the only other video store is   
on the other side of town. Jay or Silent don't have a car so they   
must've walked, which would take them a while. Plus, if they do the  
same thing they do when they come to RST, then they sit there staring  
at the pornos for quite a while. They wont be home yet.  
  
DANTE: So you're saying we just break into their apartment?  
  
RANDAL: Come on! We have a winning lottery ticket in there!  
  
DANTE: Randal, breaking an entry is *illegal*!  
  
RANDAL: So what?! We can pay our bail when we win the lottery!  
  
DANTE: Randal-  
  
RANDAL: Come on!  
  
DANTE: Okay, fine!!  
  
(Scene- Inside Jay & Silent Bob's apartment. There's a torn   
apart couch, a small coffee table with porn mags all over it, and a   
TV with duct-taped antenaes in the living room. Suddenly, the door  
flies open, and Dante and Randal are standing there, Randal's foot  
raised in the air, he just kicked the door open.)  
  
DANTE: The door was unlocked.  
  
RANDAL: Whatever. (they walk in and shut the door behind them.)  
  
DANTE: Okay, let's just find the ticket and get out of here.  
  
RANDAL: I'll check the basement!  
  
DANTE: This is an apartment! There is no basement!   
  
RANDAL: Then my work is done!  
  
DANTE: Come on, lets just find it.  
  
("Mission: Impossible" theme plays as they search.)  
  
(doorbell rings, and the music stops as they stop looking.)  
  
(They pause.)  
  
RANDAL: It's them!  
  
DANTE: It's not them!  
  
RANDAL: How do you know?  
  
DANTE: Why would they ring their own doorbell?!  
  
(Randal walks up to open the door)  
  
DANTE: (hisses:) What are you doing?!  
  
RANDAL: (opens the door. Three people [two guys and a girl] are   
standing there) Hello?  
  
GUY #1: Jay?  
  
RANDAL: Uh- yeah, this is Jay............. snooch.  
  
GUY #1: Well. Where is it?  
  
RANDAL: Uh-- where is what?.......... nooch.  
  
GUY #1: Don't play stupid, you know what we're talking about.  
  
RANDAL: Uh...... yeah.... it's uh- it's-- (slams door in his face.)  
  
DANTE: What'd you do that for?!  
  
RANDAL: (turns around and starts looking. After a couple seconds, he   
pulls it up.) I found it!  
  
VOICE: (off screen) Found what?  
  
(Jay & Silent Bob walk onscreen. [Jay was the voice])  
  
RANDAL: Uhhh.....  
  
DANTE: Listen- Jay- Randal accidentally put his winning lottery ticket   
in your bag, and *he* insisted we should come here and get it back.  
  
JAY: 0,5,2,7,8,5?  
  
RANDAL: Oh.  
  
DANTE: What?!  
  
RANDAL: Whoops. That was my *e-mail* password. I wrote down a   
completely different number on my lottery ticket.  
  
DANTE: You *what*?! We went through all this trouble and it wasn't   
even the winner! How could you--  
  
JAY: Yo, chill out, man, quit being such a Jeebeeteearrer!  
  
THE END   
  
  
Okay, I hope you guys liked it! Please review it!  



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